TagsAdvantages Advice Anonymity Appearance Better Half Common passions Competition Con Girls Danger Dating chat rooms Dating Profile Photos Dating Profiles Dating with Married Men Email Family First time Flirtation Honesty Hurry in Relationships Illusions Inner world Internet addiction Lovers Marriage Missed connections Mistakes Mistresses Nudity Online dating Online dating sites Perverts Places for a date Reality Real stories Reasons of Dating Registration Safety Selection Self-Appraisal Self-confidence Teen Dating Types of women on dating sites Valentine's Day Virtual world Women’s Passiveness
I want to direct this information at those who have already been getting ready for an adult speed dating party. If it is the first speed dating party for you – I understand how much you worry and will give you a few pieces of advice how to behave at speed dating party. You’ll spend good time thanks to these recommendations (I do hope!).
So, you approached the first table of your romantic journey! Greet your new acquaintance, smile her, and introduce yourself.
Follow the main rules of politeness:
- Look at her, don’t look around, getting ready to move to another woman;
- Try to listen to her and remember that you don’t have much time, so don’t change topic every 5 seconds;
- Don’t interrupt a woman, even when you are not interested in topic, just think how to change the topic not hurting her;
- Don’t make notes in your Card too frankly. Postpone final “yes” or “no” to the moment of moving to another lady;
When a signal for moving will be heard, say goodbye to your dame politely and with smile. Don’t cut neither her nor yourself short; summarize your first meeting, say that it was nice to meet her. Don’t stand up in a hurry, leave a table carefully.
It’s possible that during short breaks and in the end of an event you’ll catch eye of your former interlocutors more than once, and if it happens – don’t ignore ladies, smile or nod: everybody wants positive atmosphere, keep it up!
So, the first suitor approaches you. Greet him and smile, even if he doesn’t look as a man of your dream. Of course, say your name. Sometimes, people want to hide their names at adult speed dating parties, so think up a pseudonym.
Good manners are similar to good manner for men:
- Don’t look around, trying to have a good look at the next candidate;
- Try to listen to him and don’t change a subject of conversation too often, cause you have only a few minutes to talk;
- Don’t interrupt a man, even if a topic is not interesting; better try to change it;
- Smile to a man, cause all we know how difficult for them such events are – they beat their self-esteem; Make notes (“yes”, “no”) in your card only after a conversation;
When a signal for moving is heard, smile him and say goodbye.
I hope those a few rules will help you to spend good time at speed dating party.
When we are talking about adult speed dating, the word SPEED is key here. Your main task is to eliminate those people whom you don’t want to see anymore.
Remember the most important thing: keep cheerful and frivolous mood and just have fun.
Don’t you ask your interlocutors about their former spouses and divorces, or how they want to die! Ask them absolutely stupid questions, which are usually used by men during pick up. It can turn out a cool find at adult speed dating. For example:”What does such a handsome man do at speed dates?” It is banal and simple, however your competitors will hardly dare to do the same.
A probability that your interlocutor satiates himself with questions about profession, hobbies and intentions to get children is very high. Perhaps, ability to throw away all those standard questions is the main thing for success at speed dates.
Ask absurd and idiotic questions to test his sense of humor. For example:» Can you stroke your stomach, patting your head at the same time?” If he is really brave you both will be hold your sides. On the other hand, it’s a good way to eliminate men without sense of humor: such men will stare at you helplessly, and, they most likely not those men you want to date with.
One more question from the same series:” Can you wiggle your ears?”, ”Can you blink faster than stick out your tongue and raise eyebrows?” and so on. Tell the most absurd things, occurred to you, however they will be only yours!
Ask open questions which lead to a cheerful mood. For example, if he has mentioned about some funny occasion, ask him to tell about that in details. Although, consequence is, possibly, he will tell it over all 6 minutes, however, believe, you’ll make him happy. Only feelings he experiences with you will make communication with you the most memorable among other girls for him.
Professor of psychology from The Humboldt University of Berlin Yens Azendorpf in 2006 invited more than 380 people, searching for a partner, to take part in “adult speed dating” party, in order to find out which criteria have deciding importance for continuation of relationship, Tagesspigel writes.
A scientist Skiler Plays from the Indiana University in another experiment demonstrated to participants 10 second excerpts from movies of conversations made by Yens. Participants had to understand whether chatting persons are interested in each other. It turns out that it was enough a few seconds to understand that. Participants were Americans, Germans, Chineses. A result was correct even without sound and with blurred image.
According to words of Plays, his hypothesis is gestures and a pose contain an information if a person considers his interlocutor attractive or not, and that information is clear for people of other cultures.
“That means a certain Esperanto of love exists” – the author comments. Possible, he supposes, the thing is Hollywood forms a model of behavior in the start of erotic contact in the entire world; however, Viennese psychologist Elizabeth Oberzauher supposes, that some signals are not regulated by behavioral norms and can’t be controlled.
Plays also backed up existing of a mechanism, according to that a man/woman accesses attraction of a partner bearing in mind presence of competitors, achieving favour of the same person. When Plays asked students taking part in the experiment, whether they want to date someone from participants of a conversation, students more often answered the question affirmatively, if a date ended up with continuation of relationship.
The author points that more than third of adult speed dates, made in the experiment, ended up with the second date, and almost 5% of participants got lengthy relationship with interlocutors. According to date of Berlin researchers, people with attractive faces and high level of sex hormones were the most attractive.
Well, if it is love or not, however, whether we like this person and whether we want to have sex with him/her – we understand that very quickly, almost from the first word or sign.
In order to test this hypothesis, a German scientist carried out an experiment six years ago, inviting 400 persons at a speed dating party.
American scientists carried out another experiment – they showed participants of the experiment, small movies (10 seconds) made during speed dating parties.
It turns out that even gestures and a pose give a lot of information, in particular, man after a few seconds understands, how attractive for him/her another person is. Even if sound was switched off and the image was blurred, 10 seconds were enough for people to understand if that person is attractive.
However, scientists consider that this is applicable for people of the same culture only. For example, Frenchman will incredibly be able to understand if African or Chinese is attractive for him/her, cause there is too large difference between them.
However, the last statement is refuted by other American scientists, who said that difference in cultures don’t matter, cause unified signs of love exist, and any man can feels if another person is attractive.
Eighteen single, dressed up, sexy, giving the glad eye ladies. What can dream a bachelor about else? Especially if the hotties don’t block counter with drink? About the only thing – immediate annihilation of 17 single, laughing, elegant dandies, attentively staring at the islands of twitter. For a while, the mise-en-scene resembles discotheque for teenagers: boys are honking loudly and drink alcohol in the one corner, and girls are giggling and straightening attires. Everything that is a new trend brought by some rabbi to the USA. You can read about it in my recent posts.
The rabbi’s task was simple: introduce good Jewish girls with good boys, who have (car-computer-meeting-report-lunch-TV) no free time to find each other. The rabbi proposed a solution as much elegant as cosher, turning the first meeting into a cruel game with rules. A carefree animator with a badge “Icebreaker” explains us those rules: her task is to break and melt ice, paralyzing any company of unfamiliar people.
Everything is simple. Everyone has a badge with name and number from 1 to 18. Numbers stand, also, on the tables in the bar. Every girl finds a table with the same number she has, and suitors will sit down beside to her, also with numbers from 1 to 17. She has three minutes for every new prince, then he moves to another princess. Everybody has a ruled sheet. There are 18 lines and 5 columns: name, yes, no, friend, comments. That sheet is a happy ticket. If you like an interlocutor – mark “yes”, if it’s just pleasant to communicate – “friend”. Everything else – “no”.
We will form an understanding what to do with those sheets in the break, cause the Icebreaker is blowing in whistle and I (with number 18 on my chest) am sitting at table with number 18. 17 stops are ahead.
“Googeveninghowareyouwhatdoyoudoforlivingandwhatdoyoulikeinlife?” The opening is done in the start of every set to find a pretext for conversation. It seems to me I said 18 times what I do for a living, 10 times – If I like it, 8 – what how I spend my free time and whether I am here for the first time. For unknown reason, no one asked me if I know how to give flowers, what woman’s lingerie I like, and if I like drowsy morning sex. Instead that big tits Debora told me about love for horses and football (for that she got firm “no”), ox-eyed Rosy asked if I was in Africa and how usually I meet (get “yes”) and Michael murmured something muffled, nervously grunted and straighten a shoulder-strap on an awful dress.
It is the charm. Even if a stupid cow is in front of you, the most awful you get is a few minutes you waste with her; and you will never see her again. I needed to get fifth girl in order to understand that and hear whistle for a break. There is time to fill in the sheet, mark all “yes”, “no” and “friend” and to try to understand what it has written in the column “comments”. Then, at home, everybody just should log in at a special site and fill in marks opposite all numbers and push “enter”. If somebody from those whom you liked fills in a mark “yes” opposite you, you’ll get contacts of each other.
Whistle. The second round. All girls begin merging in the only one. Who did tell about travel to Africa? Blonde Ann? No, hardly, she spent a half of her time to sing dithyrambs to her company. Hardly, it was her friend, spotty Jill, ending her every phrase with giggling. If only it was Iona, with big breast, marble shoulders and touching ringlets. But I will never recall that. Three minutes – it is too a lot if everything is clear in the first second, or it is not enough if you have something common. But, whistle, and…”it was nice to meet you”….
It’s not surprising that exactly Britain was captivated by adult speed dating. No one has free time here. It is not done to meet the opposite sex outside or into the tube. And you need bravery of sailors living in the epoch admiral Nelson to ask for a telephone number of neighbor or unfamiliar girl at party. Everything is as in the joke: Englishman and Englishwoman have spent for three years at Desert Island, however, haven’t told – nobody introduced them to each other. On the other hand, English people believe professionals. If he goes to a special agency to buy a house – why to let thing slide when you want to find a better half? It’s not surprising that the first marriage agency was opened in the Great Britain, and dating sites appeared there too.
The last round is in front of me, but I am completely tired and can’t ask and answer the same questions. But, to make things worse, the prettiest girl is at the last table. I have 4 times left to tell where I work and where I from. I’ll find out that Olivia likes to laugh at herself, Susanna doesn’t believe that it’s possible to find a prince in this way, and Karen was born in Spain, where oranges are cheaper than bread. Well, I am opposite of Sophia. There are wonderful hazel eyes, a magic smell, everything what’s needed is open, what isn’t needed covered by quite not bad attire. But she had better be silent. I saw such cellophane smiles only at personnel department. I heard such meaningless questions about life only at student drinking-bout. You’ll never see such a doll’s face in puppet theatre.
They are strong fellows, anyway: 18 adult independent women weren’t afraid of coming here. I didn’t know who were my competitors, however with the majority of ladies I’d drink and talk sometime to, and with some of them even…but my dreams won’t come true. In the next day, I found out that no one I wanted to date with didn’t want the same. You can say that it is a game, however, my self-confidence was shaken. I think I’ll see when the next adult speed dating party. They say it absorbs more than casino.
I have nothing to dress at all! Of course, the same tragic feeling appears every morning, when I open a wardrobe. But I don’t date 18 men at once. Three minutes is a song of average duration or, if to believe a statistic, an average sexual intercourse. Such time-keeping requires speed and pressure. However, what to ask an unfamiliar man about? “Don’t you have a habit to throw dirty dress on the floor, can you get into a role of a blind passenger in a car? Don’t you think that condoms with a smell of banana and popcorn should be banned? Won’t my habit to go anywhere without notice in my own birth day as far, as my money allows embarrass you? How about my passion to flirt with men and feel down in the evening?” In some moment, I thought that it would be a good idea to ask suitors to show their socks. It would be funny. However, my attempts to dress for speed dating party are funnier.
The first glance at English ladies dressing tops with naked back, small black dress, fleecy blouses from angora and multi-colored beads give inexpressive relief. Men showed cautious unanimity: 2/3 dressed jeans and striped shirts.
I am getting from a pretty girl a sticky scrap of paper with my name and number (I should stick the scrap somewhere on a visible place, however I don’t feel a moral power for that yet). Going to a counter – there are 20 minutes till an official beginning. With a glass of red wine, I get the first meeting.
Albino Michael with whitish eyelashes not without fear is looking around and says that in his native Australia such quantity of people lives on area a hundred square kilometer. There are cheerfulness and anticipation in the small hall of a restaurant: 36 men and women feel themselves hooligans, who decided not just to gambol a little, but getting pleasure from that in advance. Butterflies engulfed me too, I set off to my table with burning cheeks and a glass of whiskey, feeling myself not so much a hunter as titbit for 18 predators at once.
The first three candidates are spent on realizing real, but not declared, rules of the game. It turns out, that at this first and last interview neither weak questions nor stock questions are important. His attempts to be interesting don’t influence on where the mark appears (“yes”, “no”, “friend”). Really, the choice is made straight away when he has said “Hi”. What’s the matter? It’s his voice? Or it’s a form of his fingers, turning a pen above the form with marks? Or it is his businesslike glance, scanning you with concentration of a veterinarian? “Easy” – I am ordering to myself and trying to listen carefully to what the fifth man is telling me. Btw, the thought to interest if there is a hope to teach me to cook doesn’t occur to him too. Nevertheless, he really will give the previous candidates a start.
David ( about 36 years old, tenacious glance, financier from City) the only one guesses not to heap questions about work and native over me, and just, I fussing, observing the situation. We had had similar views that everything is strange here, but, in general is funny, and decided to drink in a break and part quite satisfied with each other.
In a break between vet Oliver and trader Phil I am talking to touching school teacher Rob, earning extra cleaning hours of Simon: “There he is, see?” I see. Although, I believe I want to see and hear no one anymore. Communication with the first eight was so difficult that I am looking forward to find a suitable reason and slip away unnoticed. But nothing goes into my head, and ten men are ahead. That is 30 minutes.
An agitated girl in the toilet powders nose and says that “everything is so interesting” and she “just came here to keep a friend of her company”. Mechanically think to myself that it’s the most advantageous position for a woman: a choice of potential suitors is large as possible, and she doesn’t gave a reason to cause sympathy as a single failure.
Gloomy mood engulfs me unexpectedly, as butterfly-net a losing vigilance cabbage white butterfly. I don’t have energy to listen to what soft-engineer Frank with appearance of old Garry Potter is telling.
Why am I here? Why are all these people here? Do they really hope to buy a ticket to another life for their 25 pounds? In actual fact the rabbi devised not a way of meeting for two single and very busy halves, but a great way how to squeeze money. They almost don’t have expenditure (service of their adult speed dating site, salary for lease of a hall and a glass of free drink for every participant). They get net profit. About ten speed dating parties per week are carried out in London. However, it is not a reason to believe that an adult speed dating is something more than business, trend or way to while away a free evening. It works as a solving of problem of singleness just as well as marriage advertisements work. Although, compared with marriage agency there is economy of time – it is an overt trump card of adult speed dating, but at the same time, it is the main and insurmountable shortcoming: it’s impossible to find out a truth about a person in front of you. Everyone does want to be someone else, but don’t want to be himself/herself. A temptation to seem better, richer, stronger, more clever and so on is too high. A rare liking appearing on speed dating parties is just an interest of two masks to each other, but not an interest of their owners, trying to deceive fate.
However, it doesn’t matter cause in front of me the last participants is. I am ready to kiss the hindu named Esh, with an awful accent for his badge with number 1. I am ready to kiss him cause soon, after the whistle measuring the next three lost for ever minutes, I will say him good bye and, finally, leave, even run from here. I won’t do up an overcoat, however, will remove the badge cause the person who is waiting for me outside doesn’t need it.
Speed dating parties have been existing in the USA for a long time enough. They are arranged in clubs or houses. If you read recent posts, you know that it happens in this way: a subject is announced and time – a few minutes – during that a woman in communicating with a man, then interlocutors change. Now such a club exists in Riga.
Everything goes with the same principle, but only instead of a club restaurant or bar figures. Latvian version of an adult speed dating club has been existing for six months. Demand is large and dates happen successfully. At the same time, demand for similar events for Russians was too. And, in the last week two events in Russian language happened.
The first event happened in bar Coyote Fly, where the next one will happen is not known yet.
A particular opinion about a format of speed dating can be formed by every person. Some people like how everything goes: participants change, in turn sitting down beside different interlocutors and in the end of the event organizers give contacts to those whose likings agreed. In the short period of time, everyone meets 10-15 persons of the opposite sex, and the situation where that person has to waste time for an uninteresting interlocutor is excluded. This is not only effective, but a very unusual and interesting way to date!
However other people have objections: it’s impossible to know and to understand if there are prospects of the following communication with a person for a few minutes. However, researchers have what to answer. The thing is we form our opinion about another person in the first minutes of communication, and it doesn’t change. We all know that when we meet a person, a few seconds is enough to understand whether we want to continue our communication, whether we have common topics for discussion and so on. A participant of adult speed dating party meets ten or more persons of the opposite sex: everyone has his/her history, own views and hobbies. And it’s so interesting to try to find a soul mate among them, not relying on chance, not waiting that fate once brings you and your better half together somewhere.
Of course not every participant will be an ideal person for you; however, you’ll be surprised finding out how many meetings happen on such events. I believe it would be interesting for you to find out that men mark interlocutors two times as much, than women – their interlocutors (men).
Don’t be afraid of trying: you’ll be able to form your opinion about speed dating parties! According to statistic, 95% of men and 80% of women inform about successful experience of adult speed dating events (it’s interesting that there are 30 percents as much of women on such events). That means you’ll be satisfied with a result of an event, and you surely won’t regret about this experience and impressions!
I prepared this article for those who are going to take part in a speed dating party and worry about the first moments, spent with new people.
First of all, don’t perceive adult speed dating as a job interview. Of course you want to create a good impression on another person, give him or her idea who you are, but, besides of that, you need to discover him or her as much as possible. Otherwise, even if you succeeded and cause likening, you’ll be so busy trying he/she to like you, that you won’t manage to form your own opinion and will be confused filling marks in. Therefore, in any case, I recommend to be yourself and keep confidence.
Getting ready for a party dress beautifully: in this way, you’ll create a good impression on an interlocutor with higher probability. However, don’t overdo it: be neat, elegant, but don’t choose too provocative and attractive image.
There are a few rules organizers and participants of parties should follow. So, organizers, in particular, take care every participant couldn’t see the next table where he/she’ll sit down beside: it’s made in order a man not to be distracted and not to try to scrutinize the next interlocutor in advance. Traditionally, women sit at table, and men move from one woman to another. In addition, it’s not allowed to miss any participant.
I’d pick out the following rules for participants:
- don’t ask where your interlocutor lives and what he/she is doing for life (according to statistic those are the most often questions; if you want to be remembered, take an interest in something rarer);
- don’t inform any of interlocutors whether you chose him/her or not
- note straight away, whether you would like to see the person again or not, in order not to confuse and not to forget anything;
- if you have liked more than one person, don’t doubt: mark them all – chances that your likings will agree are higher in this way;
- finally, just relax and get pleasure from the communication!
This unusual way to date, get friendship, affair, and romantic relationships appeared in the USA in 1998. I wrote about that recently. Jakob Devo wanted to help Jewish people to find their better halves. The event consisted of short sessions of communication among unknown people: at the end of “dates” participants with mutual fondness got contacts about each other.
This party got success and soon such a format spread in the USA, and then in other countries of the world. Large popularity began from the popular serial “Sex and the city” and the cartoon “Simpsons” where speed dating parties were shown.
Today, it is almost impossible to get into such events without preliminary registration. Participants are selected in advance, dividing them into groups with different criteria – age, interests. Women sit down at the table, and men sit down beside in turn. Every “date” lasts usually 3-8 minutes. In the end of every date, a signal sounds, which means that it’s time to go to another woman. During the conversation, participants notice impressions about every interlocutor in a special card. In the end, participants give all cards to organizers, and they, in turn, compare information, indicated by women and men.
If liking meet, then participants will get contacts of each other. There is ban in many organizations: participants are not allowed to get their information directly to each other, in order to avoid any pressure on a participant, not to create a situation where he or she has to tell information about himself or herself despite desire, or, on the contrary, to refuse interlocutor.